Therapy.

Therapy is different for everyone. Mine used to involved a stop by sonic. Miss that. I have other forms of therapy like going for a walk, driving, crying in the shower, rocking my sweet child, and one of my favorites...being held by my husband. But last night, the only therapy was a really good hard cry. A cry you can't fight or hold back...the tears fall whether you want them or not. I once read "tears are the feelings so deep in your heart...there are no words to describe them...thus tears are the only thing that can reflect the deep well of emotions in your heart."

Let me tell you my well was deep. Not sure if it is the book I just read, Tuesdays with Morrie, or the movie we just watched, No Reservations, but last night a wave of saddness crashed over me. I missed my mom. As I think about going back to Texas with Josie, I am so sad...and a little mad...that the one person I really want to share her with, my mom, will not be there. I want to watch MY MOM rock her...talk with her..love on her. I want to see how Josie reacts to her. I want to hear if Josie is anything like I was as a baby. So many of those things are lost. And sometimes I wonder if I will forget the sweet details of my mom. And I am sad for Josie bc she will miss knowing the love of my mom.

Plus sometimes I just need my mom. Being a new mom and wondering if I am doing things right or just having questions, I long to pick up the phone and call my mom. Hear her quiet voice and soak in her wisdom. After all, she was the mother of seven. I think mostly I miss sharing just the good things, I look at Jeff and Josie and still can't believe they are my family. And I desire to share those daily joys with the one woman who prayed for this very life for me, my mom.

You know in todays world. Saddness isn't accepted much. You pretty much can get an antideppressant for just about any reason. I think we are missing out on something God created; sorrow, grief, saddness....tears. If we never feel the full range of our emotions..how can we truly appreciate the good times.

deep breath. Therapy. Writing on this blog is therapy. But last night it was a river of tears and the embrace of my love. Today I will take some time to praise our creator. Thank Him for a mother that was worthy of missing. Great love equals great pain when lost. So for that reason I am thankful for the pain....my love for my mom was great. She was amazing and she loved me.