Where there is a Will there is a Way

I have no idea if this saying was established after a death.....but it should have been. Bc man oh man where there is not a will...the way is hard to find. It hasn't even been a month and I think my whole family is ready to abandon ship and/or "kill"each other. Myself included. I find myself mad sometimes at the situation, sometimes at mom bc she didn't have anything. Even if there was a piece of paper that said, "so and so in charge" or sale everything and give it to missions. Getting caught up in the drama is easy. Email is bad. Never read in the correct context. I have found myself gossipping, and saying things that I shouldn't say. In all of this, my greatest fear/saddness is that instead of coming out stronger we will come out more distant from each other. Possibly not even liking each other.

Things I have learned. Have a Will...if you love those around you.....it is an act of love. And don't have 7 kids. Two would still probably fight but dang.....6 of them going at it is more like "war" than and arguement.

"Where there is a will there is a way." This statement does have another meaning: If you perserve there is a way. "If God is for us, who can be against us" I will continue to pray (even though at this time, it doesn't seem enough) and I will continue to read God's word...and to make an effort to "renew" my mind daily. Satan is an absolute jerk that is all 0ver this. Really pisses me off (sorry for the language) Take one day at a time. One battle at a time...and beg God for rest. Restoration...and Mercy.

Please continue to pray for my family:
Kent, Kris, Shaun, John, Dan and Me

Sorry for venting =) I hate conflict, makes my stomach hurt. ..=( But my sweet husband did remind me...this is normal. Six people can't even decide on what to eat....much less more important things.

Jesus Wept

John 11:35....this verse known for its brievity...speaks volumes to my heart.

As Mary ran to meet her Lord....she was weeping. Jesus knew that in minutes he would raise Lazarus from the dead. Literally. But yet despite his anger with the Jews that followed..or the fear for his life....he took time to weep. ....to share the sorrow.

Today a well meaning person who truely cares for me....told me how it is going to be ok. My mom is in a better place. "Chin up so to speak" ..even asked me to smile before she left. At that moment, I want to flip her off or punch her bc.....my heart hurts ...I miss my mom. She is gone and yes i know God is good and yes i know she is in heaven and better off......but it doesn't mean I don't hurt. It doesn't sting any less that my mom is dead. And I'm far away from my family..and if my mom was here ..there wouldn't be all this mess with "Mom's estate" etc. Just bc I have a faith doesn't mean I don't cry or can't cry....and what is funny. This woman shares faith. She wasn't wrong in her encouraging......its just today...I needed Jesus.

I needed a friend that would weep with me.

From that day on, the day Jesus risked reentering enemy soil and raising a loved one, they plotted to kill him. Funny thing is he knew that and yet he went anyway. Maybe for the sake of Mary and Martha.....maybe for the disciples (vs 12-13).....maybe for the crowd (vs 41-42) or maybe in the long run for you and for me.

I weep today for my mom. I know Jesus holds me and grieves with me.